Medieval History Buff Gifts

"Don't talk to me about suffering - in my spare time, I'm a writer."

"At least you didn't get the axe."

"And with 10 being the highest, you're sure you're only at a 6?"

'Hey, no problem! I've always felt that a little sales resistance is a healthy thing!'

'I got downsized after the king subscribed to that online joke service.'

'...Or does it go 'measure twice and cut once'?'

Don't forget to make a back up copy!

"Maybe you shouldn't send out e-mails when you're tired."

"Honey, we need to decide if we're going to add on or conquer a bigger castle."

"Bring me the head of my C. F. O.!"

"Bummer. Let's try the castle down the road."

"You're it!"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

Scorched knight on horseback passes 'Dragon Crossing' sign.

'GET OFF MY LAWN!'

"They have a wonderful author-editor relationship."

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

'Being the royal food taster doesn't mean you always get to lick the filling from the cookies.'

"I got a suspended sentence..."

"Our economy is in excellent shape. . .Yours, on the other hand."

'We like the job you're doing, but were wondering if you could switch up the ringtones from time to time.'

"God must have been very pleased."

'Nice to have a door opener.'

'They take promotions seriously here.'

"More boiling oil, quickly! It is your mother and she carries a suitcase!"

"The good thing is they don't use palm oil!"

"Where did you get your Chiropractic license?"

"Think the moat will keep the unions out?"

Beware of the Dragon

'The negotiation is in total deadlock. It's time for the medieval option.'

"Frankly, I don't like the look of this jury."

'Maybe you'd feel better if you cut somebody's head off.'

Executioner using his axe to cut his toe nails

'You're right. We should have built the castle first, THEN the moat.'

30 min. time limit while others are waiting.