Medieval History Nerd Gifts

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight feeding his kids.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

WW2 fighter pilot with emoji kills

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'Yorick? No, I don't think so, unless of course he was a Neanderthal!'

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"I find that hugely offensive!"

TV jester.

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"What the hell took so long?"

"Oh great, the printer is down."

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

underwater knight

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'He's been brought in to save the company.'