Medieval Nerd Gifts

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

First Novels.

"We're following Carrot Top."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

John Bunyan

Knight feeding his kids.

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'Yorick? No, I don't think so, unless of course he was a Neanderthal!'

TV jester.

Joust Sharpener

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

"The knights of the round accent table"

"What the hell took so long?"

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"I find that hugely offensive!"

"Harry Potter and the People Who Care Way Too Much About Harry Potter"

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years