Medieval Nerd Pillows

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

First Novels.

"We're following Carrot Top."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight feeding his kids.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

John Bunyan

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'Yorick? No, I don't think so, unless of course he was a Neanderthal!'

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

TV jester.

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"I find that hugely offensive!"

"Harry Potter and the People Who Care Way Too Much About Harry Potter"

"What the hell took so long?"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

In case of emergency - use tin opener...