Medieval Fanatic Pillows

"Sometimes they get frustrated and punch the wall."

'Why are they all picking on me?'

"I'd like to introduce our new consultant on risk management!"

'Nice siege!'

Monk scribe has written ornate letter 'S' which turns into 'Sod this for a lark!!'

King to crowd; "Let's hear it for me!"

"There's been talk of having you disbarred."

"These things are useless. They beep constantly, but we never find a thing."

"Is 'family' friend of foe?"

How coats of arms got started

Princess uses her chastity belt to lock up her bike.

"You may already be a winner."

Medieval knight and maiden driving through mountainous region with sword in a trailer

'You wanna get some WD-40 on that, mate.'

"Nothing like a good stretch before looting and burning."

'You mean this isn't a medieval themed restaurant?'

"Do we really have to pause for every food delivery?"

"My goal was to have our moat seen throughout the lands as an impenetrable line of defense. Not a fun vacation spot."

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

'Never mind. It's not the winning, it's the taking part.'

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Another mail-in ballot, my lord. Shall I place it with the others?"

Sire, should we send this thief to the guillotine, or kick him out of the kingdom? Let's see

Sorry, Gary. I only date guys who know the difference between your, you're and yore.

Crusaders wearing shoes

An executioner's trophies

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

"Oh, good, you brought your pony."

Extreme Sheepherding

"I hope this visit from your king has brightened your outlook on things."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'