Medical Trivia Enthusiast Gifts

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Time for your pills.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Long shift?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Gross."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

Mobile Operations Stand.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"Darn it, lost another swab."

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'