Medicine Trivia Gifts

"He took an Alka-Seltzer and now he thinks he’s sparkling."

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'We can't determine if you're telling the truth, but you should have a doctor check your pressure.'

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

Medical Curiosities

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'

Billy strip: 'whiskey is not a cure for the common cold.'

'Try not to get into any more mischief '

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

"I can't read this scribble. . . ! Just get the usual random boxes off the top shelf. . ."

"Amazing your knowledge of the virus, if anything, I should pay you."

"I've searched every book, also the Internet, so in desperation...I've come to you, doctor!"

Press reports suggest that caffeine could provide protection against a range of cancers.

'Is it contagious?'

'I've got every disease in this book except hypochondria...'

'It hurts when I do this.'

'Next we tried continuous intravenous drip fluid therapy...'

"What do I do? He refuses to sleep on his own."

According to the internet Harry's growth was a lucky four-leaf-clover wart.

'I'm a cardiologist with a child in third grade art class. What can I say?'