Medical Trivia Buff Gifts

"Amazing your knowledge of the virus, if anything, I should pay you."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Time for your pills.'

"Gross."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Long shift?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'

"Darn it, lost another swab."

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Mobile Operations Stand.

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'