Medical Trials Gifts

'Now we'll give the patient our drug.'

"Our war is against cancer."

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

I love Lawyers

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

Virtual Doctor

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'What's holding him up?'

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Darn it, lost another swab."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"You've received a death sentence, Mr. Covid."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'He started it!'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Always with the cancer cures, this one."

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

Lyme Disease Research Lab

"I've sewn on 2 right hands, and have made you ambidextrous!"

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.