Clinical Trials Gifts

"So I guess this probably counts as an adverse event."

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

I love Lawyers

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'He started it!'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"I've sewn on 2 right hands, and have made you ambidextrous!"

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."