Clinical Trial Aficionado Gifts

'Before I give you these pills, I want to find out how the guinea pigs are doing.'

Trial by Media

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point.' Tennyson.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

Wilhelm Rontgen's first attempt at X-rays: shining a bright light through Madame Rontgen.

"You can't plead cute."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

'Side effects may include....'

Plasma Ball

It's an experiment.

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'And this is scraps.'

'I'm inventing an acid that eats through anything.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Plasma Ball

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

Counsel's Opinion.

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'...may the best pharmaceuticals win.'

'Okay, you've got a mouthful of minerals, grapefruit, herbs and grass. Is it starting to taste like a sauvignon blanc?'

'Richard, Benjamin Franklin already proved that theory.'