Trial Enthusiast Gifts

"You can't plead cute."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Don't make me come down there."

Closing arguments.

'Since you insist on defending yourself, I feel April first would be an appropriate trial date...'

"Your Honor, it would be a hardship for me to sit on a long, non-celebrity trial.

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'The jury find the attorneys guilty of twisting the facts, the witnesses guilty of lying, and you, Your Honor, guilty of snoring.'

'You were there. Why wouldn't the jury think you were involved? Isn't it true, monkey see monkey do?'

Trial by Media

'Would you call yourself a reliable witness?' 'Who said that?'

"This is a reluctant witness, your honor."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

"My client demands that he be treated no better than any other celebrity."

Counsel's Opinion.

'Your honor, since this is a crime of passion, we'd like to sit boy, girl, boy, girl, boy girl ... '

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

Yes, he looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck, but you still have to prove he's a duck beyond a reasonable doubt.

'I'll tell you what worries me -- What if they name a special prosecutor, and HE starts naming special prosecutors?'

'It all started with my client's Fiscal Attention Disorder.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.

Attorneys: Convicted by the Media? Win big $$ with a libel suit!

Attorneys - Practice Limited To Big Juicy Cases.

"Look at that bunch of Penn State boosters.' - 'That's the Sandusky jury."

'Simply answer the question, yes or no, in as few words as possible.'

'Your honor, the defense would like to buy a vowel!'

"I'm sorry, I guess they just wanted it more."

Lawyers offices, with todays score card. - Won...Lost ...Tied

'Do I have anything to say before you pass sentence? Yes, but you go first. My remarks depend on what the sentence is.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to declare a mistrial, Your Honor -- the jury escaped.'

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty, but his alibi highly marketable...'

'The Not so Great Escape.'