Clinical Trial Participant Gifts

"I don't care if it's a placebo or the real thing. I just want something you take with food."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'Life can be tough, Peel.' - 'Yes.' - 'But you have to stay positive.' - 'Yes' - 'You have to keep telling yourself, 'This loser is funding my holiday to Hawaii.' - 'Yes.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

Life can be beautiful, Al. But for you, the fly in the ointment is your self-loathing. So, my question to you is, what's the fly doing in the ointment? The backstroke!

Drugs - 'Placebos' and 'Ex-strength placebos'.

Chicken soup is in an intravenous drip.

"Have a great day, dad and don't try to be a hero."

'Now we'll give the patient our drug.'

"So I guess this probably counts as an adverse event."

"We're taking you out of the clinical trial and putting you in a criminal trial."

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

"We still don't understand how this happened. You were with the placebo control group."

'Lower.No,lower. A way lower. - Under the arms.Under the arms! Around his chest! OK listen...- Do you want to learn the Heimlich manoeuvre or not?!!!'

"Find out who set up this experiment. It seems that half of the patients were given a placebo, and the other half were given a different placebo."

'in the computer model the only side effect was a dry mouth.'

"It doesn't matter if anyone heard you fall, I am sure we can get you a large cash settlement."

Volunteered for one medical experiment too many.

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'Control group Bar and grill - Placebo hour 5-7.'

'Medicine needs research, and research needs people like you, Mrs Watts, to make sure they've got it right.'