Clinical Trial Tactician Gifts

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

The Jose Padilla Experience

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

'What a control freak!'

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

"The defendant wishes to change his plea, from 'not guilty' to 'no collusion'."

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

Drugs - 'Placebos' and 'Ex-strength placebos'.

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

'I went riding this morning. . . he got back before I did.'