Therapy Session Tactician Gifts

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

The Use of Cavalry

Kosovo.

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'I wouldn't worry about a poor sense of direction...'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

'So, who's not a happy bunny?'

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

"The defendant wishes to change his plea, from 'not guilty' to 'no collusion'."

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!