Therapy Session Participant Gifts

"Tell me..How do you feel about being abducted?"

'So, who's not a happy bunny?'

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'Life can be tough, Peel.' - 'Yes.' - 'But you have to stay positive.' - 'Yes' - 'You have to keep telling yourself, 'This loser is funding my holiday to Hawaii.' - 'Yes.'

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

'I told you he had a temper.'

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'I wouldn't worry about a poor sense of direction...'

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

'My therapist cured me of using humour as a defence, these days I pack a .45.'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

Life can be beautiful, Al. But for you, the fly in the ointment is your self-loathing. So, my question to you is, what's the fly doing in the ointment? The backstroke!

A therapist laughing behind the back of his patient who is an upset looking clown.

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

"No, it's not a Rorscach test, it's a really nasty damp patch."

"I have a recurring dream that I have a recurring dream, but I can't remember what it is!"

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

"Have you tried jet skiing? - I've never seen an unhappy jet skier."

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'