Therapy Session Seeker Gifts

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'

The baseball players psychiatrist.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Pet a Puppy

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

The Physiciatrist...

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

'I hate all holidays!'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

Turmoil change.

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

Emotional Support Pest