Therapy Session Seeker Pillows

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'

The baseball players psychiatrist.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Pet a Puppy

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

The Physiciatrist...

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'I hate all holidays!'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

Turmoil change.

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

Emotional Support Pest

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."