Therapy Session Lover Pillows

'I wouldn't worry about a poor sense of direction...'

"I hate kids!"

Hillary's headband? You are sick!

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

"It all began in first grade...when I didn't play well with others. . ."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'We have three minutes left.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'I hate Mondays.'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"You need to stop bottling it up."