Therapy Session Lover Pillows

"I hate kids!"

Hillary's headband? You are sick!

"It all began in first grade...when I didn't play well with others. . ."

Licensed Therapist

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

Couples' therapy

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'We have three minutes left.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I hate Mondays.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"You need to stop bottling it up."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"Has it ever occurred to you just to say, 'Hey, I quit. I don't want to be a part of the food chain anymore'?"

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'