Therapy Sessions Enthusiast Pillows

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

X-ray Psychology.

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I hate Mondays.'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'We have three minutes left.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'