Therapy Lovers Pillows

'Oh, Freud is too darn hard to read -- I switched to Dr. Phil years ago.'

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

"I don’t know … there’s a small part of me that just wants to erase my childhood."

"I have no feelings about having no feelings."

Mob Shrink

'Let's avoid the term 'brown-noser' and assume that you're deferential, obsequious, and slavish by nature.'

'This is a classic case of siege mentality.'

This should bring you back to your earliest childhood memories

'I always seem to bring out the worst in people.'

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

X-ray Psychology.

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'I hate Mondays.'

'We have three minutes left.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'