Therapy Lovers Gifts

'Oh, Freud is too darn hard to read -- I switched to Dr. Phil years ago.'

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

"I don’t know … there’s a small part of me that just wants to erase my childhood."

"I have no feelings about having no feelings."

Mob Shrink

'Let's avoid the term 'brown-noser' and assume that you're deferential, obsequious, and slavish by nature.'

'This is a classic case of siege mentality.'

This should bring you back to your earliest childhood memories

'I always seem to bring out the worst in people.'

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

X-ray Psychology.

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'