Therapy Lover Gifts

'It may not seem like anyone cares, but they do. Try missing a payment or two and you'll see what I mean.'

DNA Analysis

"Then, 18 years ago, I had a moment of clarity. Ever since, I've been working the program, hoping for another one."

"Sorry, I didn't realize you saw me in the stands booing you."

You need to develop your self-assertiveness, I give my bill now, and you can practise complaining about it

Numbers Analyst.

'There's no doubt that you have a screw loose somewhere.'

"I like everything you suggest, except for the part where you count to three to wake me up. Can we just skip that part?"

"You've got something we call Infantile Delusion."

"I'm afraid you suffer from 'Teen Traumatic Stress Disorder.' Once your kids grow up, it'll go away."

'My rates vary - how sane do you want to get?'

'I hate to say this but no amount of analysis is going to help; you need a better cartoonist.'

"So...you don't understand why you don't have more friends?"

"I can't explain it, Doc! One moment I'm up - the next moment I'm down! . . Up!. . . Down!. . . Up!. . . Down! . . ."

"Remember, son, you can be anything you want to be...except for maybe an aroma therapist."

"It's like the other ones! I saw a shark! I saw a shark!"

'My power ties are demanding more closet space.'

"It's my 39th birthday, and I'm not dealing with it well. What's wrong with me?"

Psychiatry in the Park

'What magnificent whiskers My wife would never let me grow anything like THAT'

'I hate Mondays.'

'When I call for the time and temperature, they say 'Who wants to know?''

"Feeling like a skinny person living in a fat person's body is actually quite normal."

'You're overworked.'

'Do you mind if Robert sits in on this session?'

"He doesn't have the will to fly south, but he is ambivalent about the north."

"For the last time, the top bunk is next year."

Dr. Kapuchnik, I feel like there are powerful, sinister, unseen forces conspiring to do me harm, even though I haven't done anything wrong. Does this condition have a name? It's called April 15th, Al. Tax day.

I understand you've been feeling ignored lately – You just need to get out there and mingle.

You are growing old

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

"Is it possible you have a desire to get caught?"

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

"As I recall from the last session, you were born in Tennessee and raised in the woods, so you knew every tree. Then something happened when you were only three. What was that?"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."