Therapy Devotee Pillows

'I'm stressed: My dad was a champion, my mum was a champion, there's a lot of pressure on me to become a champion...'

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

'Doctor, I just can't seem to relate to my prenup anymore.'

Post-psychoanalysis

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Window Treatment

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

X-ray Psychology.

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"Client screamed, "I HATE SPRING!" and continued to have a meltdown. Diagnosis: Seasonal Affective Disorder."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'I hate Mondays.'

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."