Therapy Believer Pillows

"I don't mind the voices themselves, Doctor. It's the Jersey accents that are driving me nuts."

'This is a song my therapist told me to sing whenever I get the urge to harm people who won't pay attention to me.'

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

"Ok, I'm confused. – Which is it? Wear the mask or shed the mask?"

I'm angry at the oil companies, aren't I? Fuel price anger counseling. – $25. You're right. It's really me I'm angry at. I'm a fossil fuel addict, is that it? The fact I pay soaring prices reminds me of my weakness and inability to change my behavior! Breakthrough … let's talk about my mom. Zzz.

Cartoon characters unable to instantly recover from catastrophic injuries support group.

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

Licensed Therapist

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Postwar is hell."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

The trauma of losing.

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"