Therapy Attendee Gifts

"I'm so conflicted these days that when I dine alone, I ask for separate checks."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

Couples' therapy

Window Treatment

Large Emoticon Collider

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"Client screamed, "I HATE SPRING!" and continued to have a meltdown. Diagnosis: Seasonal Affective Disorder."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'We have three minutes left.'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'