Medical Research Fan Gifts

Long before Louis Pasteur's epic work, pioneer researcher Boris Zamochovich...

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

'Doctors are all booked up. Nurse is busy. The best I can do is offer to type your symptoms into Google.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"Trepanning for gold"

Rats in a laboratory labelled: 'Test, Control, Pet.'

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

Vaccine race

Sewing Machines in Surgery

'. . . And I'm taking the lab rats with me!'

'I should try the polyclinic, sir.'

Freak Accident Specialist

Hospital Gift Shop

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'Science will never find a cure for the common cold, That's all the job security I need,'

'That's great, but it was supposed to be a laxative.'

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

'No, there is no such thing as generic doctors!'

You've probably heard of "White Coat Syndrome," the phenomenon in which patients exhibit a high blood pressure level in a clinical setting, even though they don't in other settings. Well, you won't get away with that here.

'It says right here, sir, three times as much iron as other supplements.'

'in the computer model the only side effect was a dry mouth.'

Yes, by all means, Mr. Fusco, feel free to seek out a second opinion

Old- Fashioned Dental Surgery

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

"Looks like you're already familiar with the side effects."