Technology In Medicine Fan Gifts

'Doctors are all booked up. Nurse is busy. The best I can do is offer to type your symptoms into Google.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

Surgery Instructions.

"I'm not feeling well. I'm picking up a few things at my pharmacy."

"Trepanning for gold"

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

Vaccine race

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'Science will never find a cure for the common cold, That's all the job security I need,'

Freak Accident Specialist

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

'Botox...' - pumpkin faces

'That's great, but it was supposed to be a laxative.'

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

"Your scan showed up a kidney stone, but I've deleted it in Photoshop."

'It says right here, sir, three times as much iron as other supplements.'

'No, there is no such thing as generic doctors!'

You've probably heard of "White Coat Syndrome," the phenomenon in which patients exhibit a high blood pressure level in a clinical setting, even though they don't in other settings. Well, you won't get away with that here.

'in the computer model the only side effect was a dry mouth.'

Yes, by all means, Mr. Fusco, feel free to seek out a second opinion

"What are you going in there for?... Can't you just soak them in a glass of bleach?"

"Looks like you're already familiar with the side effects."

'Yes, this is a bad time. I'm operating on a patient 4,500 miles away.'

Long before Louis Pasteur's epic work, pioneer researcher Boris Zamochovich...