Clinical Trial Fan Gifts

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

Rats in a laboratory labelled: 'Test, Control, Pet.'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

Control and Out of Control Group

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

The Sheepdog Trials

"How do you feel about turning over?"

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

Therapy for the cow dependent

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

Murder trials at the criminal court shown as a theatrical show

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'