Laboratory Fans Gifts

Rats in a laboratory labelled: 'Test, Control, Pet.'

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

'I don't KNOW what I'm doing -- this is pure research!'

"Oh, oh - it's getting into organic."

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'The anaerobic ones are just sitting there, but the aerobic bacteria are doing jumping jacks, sit-up, leg lifts....'

I think we may have genetically overmodified the tomatoes.

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

Control and Out of Control Group

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'Are you sure his hat was like that when we started?'

Louis Pasteur Looks Back: "Of course I'm very pleased with pasteurized milk, but naming a wine or beer after me would have been a lot more charismatic."

'We tried crossing a turkey with an octopus to get eight drumsticks, but it didn't quite work out!

Implications of the quantum wavefunction 12: 'You can never be complete safe.' Until it actually hits something a fired projectile could materialize anywhere.

'. . . And I'm taking the lab rats with me!'

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

"The statistician is coming over to explain why this is perfectly normal."

"There's the evidence of our mouse problem!"

Sleep Disorder Research.

Where hard cider comes from.

Mice-Maze Lab. Hey, no using Mapquest!

"You know, ever since I've started working here, I've had this craving for cheese."

The Hydro-Multi-Aeroplane

Armstrong, what's going on? Go away. I'm busy. You've been in there for days. Something strange is going on. Yes, something strange, if not downright bizarro. Institute for Capitalist Exploitation. Soon the world will be mine.

'No doubt about it. As long as they don't understand the concept of medicine, the placebo won't work.

'Sequence my genome? They don't even know I exist.'

'No, seriously. I'm in medicine. Cutting edge stuff. I work in a lab downtown.'

Microscope's R Us. 'What do you mean out 'No Refunds' small print is too small.'

'Yes, this is a bad time. I'm operating on a patient 4,500 miles away.'

Long before Louis Pasteur's epic work, pioneer researcher Boris Zamochovich...

Scalpel.