Laboratory Fans T-Shirts

Rats in a laboratory labelled: 'Test, Control, Pet.'

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

'I don't KNOW what I'm doing -- this is pure research!'

"Oh, oh - it's getting into organic."

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'The anaerobic ones are just sitting there, but the aerobic bacteria are doing jumping jacks, sit-up, leg lifts....'

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

Control and Out of Control Group

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'Are you sure his hat was like that when we started?'

Louis Pasteur Looks Back: "Of course I'm very pleased with pasteurized milk, but naming a wine or beer after me would have been a lot more charismatic."

'We tried crossing a turkey with an octopus to get eight drumsticks, but it didn't quite work out!

"There's the evidence of our mouse problem!"

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

Implications of the quantum wavefunction 12: 'You can never be complete safe.' Until it actually hits something a fired projectile could materialize anywhere.

"The statistician is coming over to explain why this is perfectly normal."

'. . . And I'm taking the lab rats with me!'

Sleep Disorder Research.

The Hydro-Multi-Aeroplane

'No doubt about it. As long as they don't understand the concept of medicine, the placebo won't work.

"You know, ever since I've started working here, I've had this craving for cheese."

'Sequence my genome? They don't even know I exist.'

'No, seriously. I'm in medicine. Cutting edge stuff. I work in a lab downtown.'

Microscope's R Us. 'What do you mean out 'No Refunds' small print is too small.'

'Yes, this is a bad time. I'm operating on a patient 4,500 miles away.'

Long before Louis Pasteur's epic work, pioneer researcher Boris Zamochovich...

Scalpel.

"Here's his medical directive."