Medical Mishap Muse Gifts

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

'I can't turn it off.'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'Rurgh!!' - 'Burp!' - 'Form an orderly queue, ladies!'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"See? Right there - my wedding ring."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

Sling

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

Broken legs and broken nose in the hospital.

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

'Get a time release capsule stuck in your throat again?'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'You're just going to feel a little pinch, then a horrific burning pain, your eyes will roll back into your head, you will drool uncontrollably...'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.