Medical Intern Gifts

'Correct. And in the case of a cardiac arrest, every second counts. Who can tell me why? Anyone? Clock's ticking.'

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

'Do you still have my rectal thermometer?'

'He's an actor. We have him go berserk so we can weed out interns who won't be able to handle tough operations.'

'Virtual patient.'

'Is he dead, or is it intern fatigue?'

'Your penmanship is much too legible. Try writing with your other hand.'

'What's holding him up?'

"Please excuse him...interns always worry patients don't think they're real doctors!"

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

Stand-Up Intern

'Twelve years if college, medical school, internship and residency and it never occured to me that I'd have to work the night shift.'

"According to the interns' fantasy medical league, you should be out of here in three days."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Keyworker

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Laptop Dancing.

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Damnit, executive-trainees don't have 'accidents'."

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'