Medical Conditions Gifts

Curing Hemorrhoids Seminar

"Did you forget to take your medication dear?"

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

vaccine wars.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

A midwife holding a baby

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Lactose Intolerant

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"