Managing A Health Condition Gifts

Man in hospital bed has EKG with up and down sales charts next to it

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Disease Management

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

"Your blood pressure is too high. Take two of these."

'You're allergic to feathers.'

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

DOH should create a simple prevalence formula that works.

"Instead of days, my pill organizer is divided into months."

Couple in bed with health charts

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

Musical pill box

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

Matt Hancock

GPs should prescribe tailored exercise and weight loss to relieve osteoarthritis

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

'I'm going to prescribe a new diabetic medication. It's a bit costly. I'll start you off with fifty dollars a week.'

"Don't you think it's time to admit to yourself that this rash will not clear up on it's own."

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

New in fitness: Health club truancy officers.

'He made a mistake, lynch him!'

'Let's see if he makes it through the night. Could you hold off updating his Facebook page until then?'