Medical Appointment Mystique Gifts

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'Well, well, well...'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

'Lost Diary'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

Quick! 5-second rule!

"Appointments. Disappointments."

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

'We can't determine if you're telling the truth, but you should have a doctor check your pressure.'

"Relax. You might feel a little pinch."

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

'Make me a bunch of appointments that I won't be able to keep.'

'Tell you what; I'll give you the lollipop and I'll give you the shot.'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"I cancelled my last appointment without phoning the Doctor... so I'm making up for it by showing up without phoning!"

"An appointment is required except for Wednesday afternoons, when he suffers fools gladly."

'The doctor's office said you cancelled your appointment and put a restraining order on the rest of them.'

"Wednesday proctology clinic."

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"