Media Savvy Gifts

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

"Were you referred to us by your doctor or publicist?"

"And I don't want to hear any of this 'There are no cameras following us so what's the point?' stuff."

Uncle Sam inside a Ukrainian brain.

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

'This way the trial won't have any commercial interruptions.'

"At this point in your career, your only hope is to get fat, lose weight, and endorse a weight-loss program."

President Obama's UK state visit.

'Whoa! I never realized that TV-news readers had abdomens!'

"Dad, how do you become a TV reporter?"

Randi Rhodes

Online Dating

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'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"#BeCurious"

Victorian Selfie

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

'From here I can monitor world stocks, or attend overseas teleconferences, unfortunately I can't get out though because the door's stuck.'

The first unfriendly takeover

"Wouldn't it have been easier just to tweet those?"

"And a final note: Perception officially become reality."

"Sometimes I don't think you're listening to me!"

"How'd I find you? I followed you on Twitter."