Press Savvy Gifts

We hail to your ambition, Congressman, but don't let the press hear 'Hail to the Chief' as your ringtone.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Online Dating

Victorian Selfie

"#BeCurious"

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

'From here I can monitor world stocks, or attend overseas teleconferences, unfortunately I can't get out though because the door's stuck.'

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

Have you seen my iPhone? No. You lost it? I may have misplaced it. Big deal. You hate it. It'll turn up. Exactly, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I especially hate the Scrabble app and I absolutely can't wait to find the phone so I can mock it further! Help: I love my iPhone. Oh dear. Trouble brewing. To be continued ...

The Daily Me

"Sometimes I don't think you're listening to me!"

"And a final note: Perception officially become reality."

"Wouldn't it have been easier just to tweet those?"

"I'll check your circulation."

"How'd I find you? I followed you on Twitter."

The first unfriendly takeover

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

'Sir, there's a taxpayer who knows his rights, to see you.'

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

'We can still rise to the occasion but, in light of bad press, just not in the company-owned plane.'

Yeah, I do the same thing – sniff their posts but never contribute. Dog lurkers.

The killing of journalists

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!