Press Pro Gifts

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"National security adviser"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Newspaper suicide.

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

'Duly noted. Now, shall we move on or does anyone else feel the need to have a conniption?'

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Around here it got a little tricky...