Media Escapist Gifts

Can't bear any news concerning Trump

'It's saved us from having to get real lives.'

"The news outlets show us an unending barrage of horrors and disasters and yet you're unfailing upbeat and happy. How can I be like that?"

Bo're'droom

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

'Where would you recommend for a tech-free experience.'

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

Audio Books

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

Cyber Dream

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Some days Ted's head would get stuck for hours.

"When catch-up TV finally catches up"

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

SEMINAR CANCELLED: Feel free to doodle.

Hot Towel Web Service

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

"Gee... A wide screen, high-definition TV with Stereo-Gasm Sound and over 500 channels! It's almost like having a life!"

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

Houdini 2019

What's with our son? For once he's not online. I dealt with him. He's steaming mad. What did you do? I handled his addiction to texting, IM-ing, games and Facebook with calm maturity. Dad! Where did you hide my laptop?!! Modern maturity.