Mechanical Skill Avoider Pillows

Dilemma of a man with no mechanical skills (Mail order bride requires some assembling).

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"Shouldn't you be studying?

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

The Procrastinatorium.

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until the Super Bowl is over before turning off my electricity?'

Danger Signs.

"20% of medical opinion may change every five years...but it won't be the 20% that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'Watch out, you'll get tennis elbow.'

Student at bookstore advertising used books advertises used homework.

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

Good parenting.

"I did the laundry while studying. Unfortunately, my mom can't find the lost socks or my missing assignments."

'You need to go on a diet. Your spare tyres are getting spare tyres!'

"Honestly, Kate—can you picture us in a shopping mall?"

'Can I hand up my essay on Friday Miss. My ghostwriter is unwell at present.'

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say your body is a temple, more of an amusement arcade."

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

Next time youwant to demonstrate Ronaldo's flying overhead kick to your nephew...use a pen and paper!

"I don't think using a nail to stop the scale's indicator from moving is a good way to manage your weight."

'Have you met my husband, and his personal fitness trainer?'

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'