Sports Avoider Pillows

'Baseball is boring, apple pie makes me fat and I'm not getting along with my mother.'

Good parenting.

'You're in luck, Sir. . . we found the only television in the shop that won't show sports!'

"Somewhere along long. . . LONG way from the World Cup."

Good News about winter

"It's true: no more burpees."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Cool bonfire app, man."

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

Election Cancelling Headphones

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

The Sedentary Dead.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

New years resolutions

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'I don't need to exercise to lose weight. The odor in this locker room suppressed all my appetite.'