Maturing Gracefully Gifts

"I didn't start seriously accessorizing until my mid-thirties."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"So, what do you do for play?"

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Parts Department

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Aging Problems

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"You're right, they are statins."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"Miriam keeps me young."

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

The Aging of Underwear

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'You look quite distinguished with that gray hare on your head, Jim!'

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'