Aging Graceful Gifts

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

An old man exercising with hourglasses

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Parts Department

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"I noticed a few browns."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

Aging Problems

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

'You've a slipped disc in your back and a slipped everything in your front.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"I come from the future."

Don't have a hot flush....

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."