Aging Graceful Pillows

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Parts Department

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Aging Problems

"I noticed a few browns."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

'You've a slipped disc in your back and a slipped everything in your front.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"I come from the future."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'