Aging With Grace Pillows

Life Begins at 40

'The last time he jogged past the cemetery, the gravediggers tried to bury him'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Parts Department

Snail Pattern Balding.

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Aging Problems

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"I come from the future."

"Miriam keeps me young."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."