Embracing Aging Gracefully Pillows

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Parts Department

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

Aging Problems

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"I come from the future."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Miriam keeps me young."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."