Maternal Musings Gifts

Biological Alarm Clock.

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

Men explained.

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Open other end

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

'I should have listened to my Mum, she always said, 'Never underestimate how fast a zebra can run'.'

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

Child on a schedule.

"Hi - Mom? Going to Kayla's house? Thanks!"

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

'She's the primary caregiver!'

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

Silencing the baby

Single parents.

Working Moms

'It's no use he just doesn't understand the let-down reflex!'

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

Mother and Baby

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

"You're what?!"

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

"My child has special wants."

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

"I don't mind having a bun in the oven, but I do mind not being able to set the temperature."

'Can I just remind everyone once again that baby yoga is non-competitive.'

'Doctor, a stress test is something I don't need. I have a husband and four children.'

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

"Me and my husband had to try sixteen times before I became pregnant... What a night that was!"