Mom-to-be Musings Gifts

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

Pool attached to child's bed.

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Men explained.

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"I have to get up for mine 3 or 4 times a night!"

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"So! When's the big day?"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

Biological Alarm Clock.

Maternity Hospital

"Mum, we had sex-education at school today: is that really what happened to Daddy?!"

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

Pregnant couple: I'm so glad I'm a woman/I'm so glad I'm a man.

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.