Maternal Musings Pillows

Biological Alarm Clock.

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

Men explained.

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Open other end

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'I should have listened to my Mum, she always said, 'Never underestimate how fast a zebra can run'.'

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

Child on a schedule.

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

"Hi - Mom? Going to Kayla's house? Thanks!"

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

Silencing the baby

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

'She's the primary caregiver!'

Single parents.

Working Moms

'It's no use he just doesn't understand the let-down reflex!'

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

Mother and Baby

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

"You're what?!"

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

"My child has special wants."

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

"I don't mind having a bun in the oven, but I do mind not being able to set the temperature."

'Can I just remind everyone once again that baby yoga is non-competitive.'

"Me and my husband had to try sixteen times before I became pregnant... What a night that was!"

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

'Doctor, a stress test is something I don't need. I have a husband and four children.'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."